First Week

Y'all! I survived my first week! And it was amazing!!!

So much of the anxiety I felt in the week before I started the first week seems to have melted away. It feels amazing to be in front of students everyday. I love getting to know my students a little more everyday. The students they were are day one are certainly not the students they are today. The journey we embark on this year is going to be so much fun. There will certainly be struggling and challenging moments, for me and for them, but we will overcome and be better for it in the end.

I have also seen so many of my friends and peers start their teaching recently too. The impact that we will have on students collectively is so refreshing and encouraging. I know that we are all going to do our best for our students. We are all going to have great stories to laugh at, stories that bring tears of sadness and frustration, and stories that cause me to well up with pride for them and their students.

This excitement does not mean that there have not been challenges. Students all come with unique experiences that we have to fit into their academic success, not matter how difficult that is. I did not even "finish" setting up my classroom until last Friday, but I am constantly finding ways to make things better. Teaching is certainly a never ending cycle of try something, review it, improve it, and try again. Plus I forget or do not think about things all the time, so that makes the process move a little slower too.

Lesson planning has certainly been the most pressing hurdle so far. I am incredibly grateful that my plans are due on Friday because who knows how much time I would spend on them over the weekend. I feel compelled to work efficiently with this deadline and it keeps me ahead of "the day before" game. Observation season is the part of the year that I am most excited for. I can't wait for people to come into my classroom, point out the amazing things going on, help me figure out the things that could be better, and enjoy the space I have created in my classes.

The self-care portion of this work is certainly coming with mixed results. I really enjoyed this past weekend watching movies and relaxing. I cleaned my place up a bit. Cooked some great food for lunch and breakfast during the week. I got quite a bit of grading done as well. I do really need to get back into working out in some capacity. Even if it's just for thirty minutes a day instead of an hour. I just need the activity. I just get tired from the day and it's challenging to get back into it when I've been out of the habit for so long. It will happen though. I just have to make it happen.

I am feeling legitimately excited for this year. I love my school. I love my kids. I love my team. I don't mean to rub it in, but I am feeling great! Let's keep up these good vibes.

Realities

My first day of school is tomorrow and there is so much that is starting to sink in for me.

This is pretty exciting. In less than twelve hours I will be standing in the doorway to my classroom greeting students for the first of 180+ times this year. The journey that is getting to know 50+ fifth graders will begin promptly at 7:40am. I am wildly excited and nervous mixed into one.

It was incredible seeing my classroom come together day after day last week. It certainly added a bit of perspective to every classroom I ever entered form Kindergarten to 12th grade. Every desk had to be in just the right place. Posters had to be hung at the perfect height. Decorations had to be the right blend of fun, education, me, and my students (how I did that without knowing them is still a mystery). Getting a classroom ready is tiring, but absolutely essential as in some ways it is the second home for my students and I.

My first week of lesson plans came together quite smoothly. Procedures. Procedures. Procedures. I hope that I have thought of everything to make my class run efficiently. I have entrances, exits, homework pick up and turn in, warm-ups, exit tickets, supplies, jobs, word walls, restroom, and nurse procedures all worked out and ready to be taught. If there is anything that all my mentors have taught, it is that students will quickly make up rules and procedures should I neglect to do so. So I have planned for as much as I could think of. I know I didn't catch everything, but I am confident things will still go well.

This is an amazing feeling. I am thrilled to get started tomorrow and I can't wait to share how my first few days go. Even with all of this excitement, there was also something that hit me pretty heavily last week as I finalized my room set up. I won't get to call my grandma and tell her how my first day went. That reality hit me and I had to sit down for a bit. It has been two years and there are still so many times where I want to call or text her to check in. It hit me pretty hard but I know that she would be proud of me. So I keep striving to do my best. I do my best for her, and my mom, and my siblings, and my nephew, and my aunt and uncle, and my cousins, and all the people who ever believed in me and told me I would be great. I will continue to learn and grow and make you all proud.

In the meantime, it's getting late and I have a big day ahead of me tomorrow. I'll be sure to share how these first few days go! 

The Big Switch

I am no longer living in the dorms at SMU. I am so grateful to be able to afford a place of my own after all this time.

It was truly beneficial to be living at SMU for the duration of my summer training. My housing was paid for. My food was paid for. The internet was free. I did not have to worry about electricity or water bills. Laundry was free. Transportation was provided. That is not to say these arrangements were perfect. I slept on a twin mattress again. The water would be lukewarm when large (cheer) camps were also staying on campus. The food was essentially the same all summer. There were random "scheduled" power outages occurring regularly throughout the summer.

But it was free. And the training was pretty great as well. I spent seven weeks absorbing as much knowledge as possible. I feel confident that I leave Institute as a better leader, teacher, and person. I may not be able to tell you each of the (seven) TFA core values from memory, but I can tell you that each of them has created a lasting impact on the way I approach the world from this world forward.

During Institute, it was made clear that during some sessions, I was going to be uncomfortable and that was okay. When you are grappling with your identity, the multiple parts of your identity, and reconfiguring how it fits in a classroom and, by extension, in the world, you are going to be uncomfortable. Analyzing my privilege and how it will play a large part in how I relate to the people around me moving forward is not easy. Talking to others about their identity, listening to others make mistakes, choosing to be vulnerable and brave are not simple tasks. In spite of this difficulty, I was still pushed to tackle this work in the solitude of my mind and with the people in sessions around me.

From that experience, I jumped straight into Fort Worth's New Teacher Academy. The reality of the work I will be doing snapped me back into reality. The reality of others ideas of the world we live in reminded me that my work with my identity if a privilege. In the midst of a problematic session listening to problematic statements and ideas, I had to remind myself of my privilege and ground myself in humility.

I am a first year teacher. I am 22 years old. I do not have all the answers. I have not even been asked all the questions. This does not mean that I do not have beliefs based in facts that I stand beside proudly and vehemently. It just means that I must always take the time to stop and listen to what the people around me have to say.

There was a phrase that stood out to me this summer: "listen to understand, not to respond." Going into teaching, I have set a goal for myself to remind every student that I come into contact with that their thoughts are valuable. Their ideas and dreams have value and that I here to provide them with some of the tools they will need to navigate the world in their own unique way. This is not always going to be easy, but I believe it is important and I will work on it continuously.

Today I entered my classroom for the first time. It was overwhelming. If I didn't understand the work my teachers put into preparing the classroom every year before, I certainly do now. I have so much to do and the hardest part is not knowing where to start. I am hoping that hanging up the first poster and moving the first desk is the hardest part, so I'll be sure to get started on that soon. Again, if you have any advice for a fifth grade science teacher, let me know!