I don't know about the rest of the world, but November was a one heck of a month for me.
You would think that with my birthday, Thanksgiving, a week off, and all of the other fun little things that usually happen in November, that it would have been a great month. Ultimately, that was not how I felt most of the time. Looking at the teacher's feelings throughout the year, November for me was that bottom part. I slipped into that "disillusionment" phase without even realizing it.
I know that it's been quite some time since I posted last. There are quite a few reasons for that. There were a lot of times that I opened my blog, started a new post, stared at the screen for ten or twenty minutes, and then closed the page. I felt like I had so much to say, but no way to say it.
Today, Facebook reminded me that one year ago, I graduated from UT with a BA in Government. It was rainy. A little cold but nothing crazy. My family was in town. People I once worked with attended. Some of my former teachers came to the ceremony. I felt good. I knew I would be working in DFW as a teacher.
A year later, I am sitting in my room redesigning my lessons for the week because my students did not do so well on an assessment from before Thanksgiving. I have been in a bit of a panic because my students have been doing quite well up to this point. Their scores on assessments have been above district averages. Things have been pretty good. This is different for experience for me.
I know that my teaching has been evolving a lot in this first year, but it certainly makes me question what about those two weeks changed that impacted my students' success? That question has been stressing me out immensely since Monday. I feel like I have been running around like a headless chicken trying to figure out how I am going to alter my instruction to ensure that we can recover those missed topics while also moving forward with a curriculum that leaves us no time to stop and catch our breaths.
On top of this challenge, it feels like I am receiving rapid fire directives insisting that I change a seemingly endless number of things about my teaching. Teachers have certainly told me about this part of the teaching experience for quite some time. It seems like none of those conversations could really prepare for the living it though. I am sure that one day, I will be able to roll with the punches a little easier. For now though, I am just going to work to keep my head above water and not get lost in the sea of my own confusion and doubt.
In response, I have started meditating. I am keeping track of my nutrition again. The only thing I am truly lacking is getting back to the gym. I don't think I'm ready to jump back into that routine quite yet, but I am hopeful. November was a big ball of tension and stress. I will not, for the sake of my sanity and well-being, allow December to follow suit. This will be a month of success. For myself. For my students. For the people I care about.
Now I know that this post has been a lot longer than normal, but to be fair, I did not post at all in November. I just want to take a little time to thank all of the people that have been helping my through this crazy month. I was actually going to do an entire Thanksgiving "thank you" post, but it seemed pretty cheesy so I decided not to. In all seriousness though. I really appreciate the support. Whether it was just randomly reaching out to see how things have been or wishing my happy birthday, I really enjoyed hearing from you.
My goal for the rest of 2017 is positivity. Some days will be harder than others. Some days will feel like the weight of world is pressing down on my shoulders. But that's okay because I am strong and I have so much support. Thank you all so much! Let's go out and make December truly amazing.
