First Days of Summer School

Writing today was very necessary.

I have been trying to unpack everything from the last few days with little success. They say that time flies when you're having fun. What they don't tell you is that time also flies when you are juggling a million and one things and all you really want it to do is stop, or at least slow down. Some of the challenges of the past few days I knew were coming. That being said, I did not prepare for all them.

I prepared for the rush of the school. I am familiar with the prep work that happens between greeting students, meeting with this person here and another person of there, double and triple checking your PowerPoint and lesson notes, rehearsing this line or that line, glancing at the information from the day before and peeking at the day ahead, all the while wearing a smile and really listening to the answer when you ask "How was your day?"

I was prepared for the awkward first days of school when students are still figuring out who the person standing in front of them is and what role they will play in their life. I was not the student that was ready to share my life story, an answer, or anything else until I had been in class for at least two weeks. I was not (I am improving but I still have a lot of growth to do) the best at introducing myself and making friends in a room full of strangers. Trust and familiarity take time to build and I am okay with waiting and nudging my students and myself along until we get to that point of relative comfort with one another.

I did not prepare for how to deal with blatant profanity in the classroom. When I found out I would be teaching high school students, I knew that I would be called a "faggot" at least once before the summer was over. Typing the word is hard, but having it thrown at you as a slur is much harder. This is not the first time I have been on the receiving end of such profanity. That does not make it sting any less. The fact that it came from a student who still have much to learn about the world did not make it sting any less. The moment of triumph came when I maintained a straight face and neutral attitude. The moment of triumph came when I spoke about respecting the emotional space we all occupy in a classroom. The moment of triumph came again today when I hit the reset button and walked into class fresh, whole, and unbothered by the day before.

Teaching is not easy. Teaching is intensely personal. The most difficult part comes when the comments from others feel like a personal attack on your work, your art, your craft, your profession, your career. I know that maintaining a poker face will not always be so easy. I know there will be times when comments feel like a punch to the gut. There is no way to truly prepare myself to for every possibility, but I do know that I can open my mind, my heart, and my spirit. I can let down my walls and remember that I am doing my best. I know that I am not perfect and I have a lot to learn, but know that I am trying.

These days did not come only with obstacles to be overcome. There were great moments as well. I spent an entire day enjoying Dallas. Driving around, exploring neighborhoods, visiting the Dallas Museum of Art, and genuinely enjoying the day with my friend. It was amazing and I am looking forward to so many incredible weekends. In fact, Friday will be the start of what is sure to be a restful four day weekend. So these past few days have been busy, and tough, but they've been refreshing as well.

There is one thing that stands out as the pinnacle of great news since. On Monday morning, I began my fourth interview since starting with Teach For America. The first part of this interview was a phone call that took place an hour before my first lesson. My conversation with this principal left me thrilled and full of energy. I went into my classroom feeling like I could teach the world. After dinner, I took some time to FaceTime this principal to continue our conversation. I was then able to speak with the Assistant Principal a few hours later and learn more about the school and just spend time getting to know the administrators on campus. An hour after the completion of this conversation, I received a call from the principal again. I walked down the hall and braced myself for the news.

I am now absolutely thrilled to announce that this fall, I will be the 5th grade science teacher at Eastern Hills Elementary School in Fort Worth Independent School District. I have been a bit anxious completing interviews and waiting for responses but that weight has officially been lifted. I am so excited and I cannot wait to meet my students and my team in a few weeks! I must say thank you to all the people that have helped me get to this point in my journey. I couldn't possibly name everyone in one post, but know that I appreciate everything you have done for me up to this point. I am grateful and I will continue to do my best as a way to honor your contributions to my success.

Now, I get to tour apartments and figure out where I will be living in just a few short weeks! If anyone has any advice on questions I should ask while on tours, please let me know. I want to make sure I am moving in a great place so any experience you could share would be quite helpful! It's been a busy week, but I am ready to keep moving forward.

Routines

The starting session today dealt with self-care.

This has certainly been something I have made a priority in my life since high school. I struggled with this skill immensely in middle school. I stayed up all night completing homework. I was not eating the way I should have been. I did not make time for my friends on the weekend. I was stressed out all the time. It was not a good time for me.

Before I entered high school, I made a promise to myself. I would never let school push me to mistreat my body like I did during middle school. I have remained committed to that goal ever since. There was a bit of a struggle maintaining that promise when I did Breakthrough my first summer, but I kept at it. Even in college with the pressure of finals, grades, projects, and fraternity events, I did not let my health and well-being fall through by the wayside.

Now I find myself about to start my first year of teaching. Everything that everyone has said to me so far has made it seem like this will likely be the hardest thing I ever have to do. I will be stressed. I will feel overwhelmed. I will be tired. Of course, all of the people I have talked to have all made it through their first year of teaching and then some, so that's certainly reassuring. It does not take away from the weight of the information they have presented me with.

I have already made the initial commitment to reach out to my friend here in Dallas at least once a week. That does not mean that I text him once a week, but I call him or we find time to hang out and spend time away from our work. It is mutually beneficial and I am grateful for his support. Although I have started to write, I do worry that I will not be able to keep it up in the mayhem that is my first year. I worry that I will not make it to the gym as much as I have and it wreaks havoc on my body. I worry that I will forgo sleep in order to finish this or that task. I worry that I will skip the freshly cooked meals in favor of fast food or microwaveable meals.

I have my mom to check in and ask how I'm doing regularly. I have my friend. I wonder if this is enough. So I ask this of you: if you have any free time in the next year, please check on me. Send me a text or encouragement or ask if I have been eating or sleeping. I hope that this is not too much to ask and I while I will certainly make an effort to randomly check in on you as well, I can make no promises that it will happen regularly. An important point the presenter made today went something along the lines of "You can only help your students when you are bringing your best self everyday, and you can only bring your best self when you are taking care of yourself." I want to be the best for my students, and I would be grateful and honored if you would take part in that commitment with me.

We also spent quite a bit of time discussing classroom culture. This is certainly something that I have a hard time wrapping my head around. There are so many things that I want to happen in my classroom, so many things I want my students to feel and do but I am not always sure how to accomplish them. I know that I want my students to feel comfortable making mistakes, but how do I show them that it is okay to do so. I want my students to know that I care genuinely care about them, but what do I say or do to convey that?

I have been blessed with so many amazing teachers in my life. I have only rarely felt constantly tense or consistently uncomfortable in a classroom throughout my K-12 experiences. As one of your former students, I know firsthand that you do this incredibly well. I just never saw all of your tricks as a student. I did not always understand the rationale behind your actions. I now want to call on all of my teachers to teach me again. What are the things that you do that help students feel safe? How do you let students know it is okay to be themselves? Any advice you can give would be incredible and would set me one step closer to being a great teacher, even in my first year.

I know that I have asked a lot of you, but I can assure you that every little thing is important to me. I appreciate you more than you will ever know. I hope that one day I can be as helpful to you as you have been and will be to me. Thank you.

Unpacking

Training is pushing me to unpack far more than just my physical belongings.

A recurring theme through this first week of training has been to check your privilege. I have really enjoyed the challenge presented to all teachers starting on Move In day and continuing in at least one session every day. Checking my privilege is not a new concept. It is something I have worked on since learning about the concept of privilege sometime in college. My life experiences are something that ground me in this reality. They help me understand the world around me. These experiences can help me create connections to the people around me as well as push those people away.

I have enjoyed the discomfort of the conversations this week. Feeling confused and overwhelmed and lost is critical to understanding one's place in the world as well as components of other individual's struggles. The scenario in one session left me nearly speechless. It was something similar to "You are a single mother of a four year old child (it was not clear if this child was undocumented or not) and you live in a one bedroom apartment with four other strangers. You take your child to work and go to work. Some one shouts 'La Migra' and you are put in handcuffs and taken to a detention center. You do not know the number to your child's school. What do you do?"

I came up with no other response than "cry". Even days after this session, I am left without an answer. Others in the room suggested try to get a lawyer or find a way to get your child to come with you, but neither seemed practical. This was only one of the sessions this week. It has been a heavy week full of difficult questions and discussions. I feel my capacity of understanding and empathy increasing and I know that these encounters will make me a better teacher and a better person. I am excited to have more difficult conversations as the summer continues and when I reach my school in the fall.

A nice relaxing weekend after such a week is certainly welcome and more than appreciated. Taking the time to sit and think, sleep in, and explore this new city has been recharging. There is an entire week still ahead with training diving into preparation for the classroom. This summer, I will be teaching High School Biology. A bit of a stretch for my 4-8 Generalist certification, but enjoyable nonetheless. It seems as though that year of Biology in college will pay off after all.

This means week one is complete, six weeks left! Bring on the summer!

First Time In Fort Worth

The bus ride wasn't all that bad. Fort Worth and Dallas always seem much farther apart on maps. I'm sure the commute looks quite different in the morning as everyone rushes off to work or in the afternoon during the journeys home.

I would be lying if I said I was not a bit disappointed when they told me I would be teaching in Fort Worth. I know that Fort Worth is obviously a part of the DFW "metroplex", but I never really considered moving to Fort Worth. Today, any of my remaining concerns were erased by our visit.

Fort Worth certainly did not seem to have the large and confusing highway system found everywhere in Dallas. I did not get to truly venture into the downtown area of the city so the skylines will have to be compared a bit later this summer. Texas Wesleyan University certainly seems like a pretty great place to be studying. The people we met today were incredibly warm and welcoming. The accents in Fort Worth seem to be just a bit stronger than in Dallas, but that could just be because of my limited exposure to native Dallas people so far.

I have had a bit of time to settle into my dorm. My roommate and I get along pretty well. I am usually exhausted by the end of the day so we do not really talk much. He gives me space to be reflective and I appreciate it. The food this week has been pretty great. We have had brisket, falafel, Panera bread sandwiches, and pitas among other things. Starving is certainly not a concern I have for the remainder of the summer. I have not had an opportunity to make it to the gym, which has been a bit disappointing. I got so used to going everyday that not going feels a bit off. I do not think it has had any major impact on my body, but it's still early. I will be getting back to my workouts soon, hopefully next week at the latest.

This has been the most social I have ever been in my life. Everyone has been so kind and welcoming. It almost feels like a dream sometimes. Spending the day with the other people teaching in Fort Worth made everything feel more relaxed. Sitting in a room with 150 people everyday can get a little overwhelming at times. It can also get a bit difficult to make solid connections with constant group shake-ups. I am sure the intent to get Corps Members to meet as many other members as possible, but in such a short time, I think it's important to start working on bonds with people you will be working with frequently during the summer and during the next two years.

The organization of Teach For America has absolutely blown my mind. I know I have mentioned this before but it is still something I cannot get over. I have never been a part of an organization that runs so efficiently. Sessions start and end on time. Information is posted everywhere on so many forums. There are always people around to answer questions or guide you to your next session. It has been quite enjoyable.

All of this preparation has certainly made me anxious to start teaching. I am ready to jump into those summer school classrooms and really dig into what it's like being a teacher. I am excited to lesson play; I am excited to collaborate; I am excited to observe and be observed; I am excited to get feedback. This preparation is all helpful but I cannot wait for the real challenges and the real fun to begin.

The Big Move

"At least it wasn't 100 degrees outside."

I had to remind myself of this fact as I made the four trips between my new dorm room and my spot on the first floor of the parking garage. I haven't lived in a dorm since my freshman year of college, just over three years ago. Again, I find myself on the fourth floor but at least this building has an elevator.

In a lot of ways, this experience overlaps with my first summer as a Breakthrough teacher and as a freshman at my college orientation. I feel more comfortable here at Institute. I cannot always pinpoint if that is because of the confidence I developed at UT or because everyone here seems so incredibly welcoming and friendly. The staff members are so intent on making you feel welcome and part of their family.

The use of my nickname based on my middle name on official documents certainly puts me at ease. I do not have to spend so much time informing everyone that although my first name is Anthony, I actually prefer to be referred to as Kris. These details show me that a lot of planning and effort went into this event. The staff here has clearly made every effort to be as open and welcoming as possible. Information is readily available in so many places. I admire the efficiency of this program immensely.

I am immensely excited for the rest of the summer. We are spending these first few days learning about the journey we are all about to embark on together. The next few weeks will be challenging for sure, but there is something about the atmosphere here that makes me feel that everything will be okay. There are people all around me who will be completing similar work as myself. We all have similar goals and incredible amounts of support. I am quite ready to begin my summer school teaching.

This calm before the storm has left me with quite a bit of reflection time. A list of individuals that were essential to my success up to this point. I want to take some time and space to list out as many as possible. There is no way to capture every person and every thing they have ever done for me, but it never hurts to start somewhere. This list may not be complete by the end of today, the end of this week, or even by the end of Institute, but know that I am working on it and it will be created.

Writing about my journey is a new experience for me. I am not certain of the direction my reflections will take. I know they will be important parts of my expressions of triumph and frustration. They will keep others informed of my experiences. The rest is still in development. This is certainly just one of the things I am looking forward to this summer.