I Miss You

Today, we talked about what we miss.

It is the middle of week five. There are two a half weeks left of summer training. So much is happening. Summer school is officially halfway over. Emotions are running high. Putting words to those feelings are important. That is what we did today. My coach asked us a series of questions and I am taking the time to add more to my response. I want to think more about the things that I miss.


What do you miss? What is causing you pain?

I miss working out. I have spent five days a week in the gym since January. I did skip Spring Break and there were a few other days I missed, but overall it was five days a week. I miss the routine. I miss the pride I felt in this work I put into my body. I miss the confidence that I felt from a changing body. I miss the excitement of stepping onto a scale and feeling joy at the numbers I saw (and disappointment sometimes too). I started the year at around 175lbs. I came to Dallas at 160lbs. When I went home for the Fourth of July, I stepped on the scale a few times and hit around 155lbs. I am terrified to return home at the end of July and step on the scale again.

Who do you miss?

I miss my nephew. Seeing him everyday always brought me incredible amounts of joy. I was able to see him learn and grow. I got to see him laugh and smile everyday. I got to see him bump his head when he bounced too hard or ran too fast. I got to see him get back up and keep running. Going back home for the 4th of July really made me realize how much I am going to miss seeing him everyday. When I left Austin to come to Institute in Dallas, Kyree was able to jump in one spot. Not even one month later, I walk inside and he is running towards me and jumps the last few steps. It was incredible to see how much he had grown and learned, but it also reminded me of all the small moment I would miss living away from home. Living in Fort Worth will certainly have its pros and cons, but this is without a doubt one of the most painful cons.

What is an institution you miss?

I miss my fraternity. I never realized how safe I felt in that space until I was no longer an active part of it. I miss seeing my brother. I miss the conversations we had and the times we spent together. My time in the fraternity was amazing and I would never change it. I am so happy that two of my brothers work in DFW. With them here with me, I know that safe space will never be too far.

I really enjoyed taking the time to put words to the things that I may not have realized I was feeling the entire time. I have certainly found myself caught up in the constant work that is being a teacher. Getting lesson plans ready, making copies, creating PowerPoints, entering grades, attending meetings, and completing the dozens of other responsibilities of a teacher can get overwhelming if you do not take the time to stop and breathe. I am glad my coach got me to sit and reflect. I will get a lot of things done this weekend. I will also stop to take care of myself and allow myself to breathe for a while.