I just realized that one year ago, I made my first post about the first month of school.
This year, I am currently in the fifth week of school, but the idea is more or less the same. Looking back, it seems that I felt so much more relaxed. I do not really know how I accomplished that feeling, but I did. Just reading about where I was a year ago makes me wonder how I kept things so simple. It was my first year of teaching, everything should have felt like a blur.
Here I was thinking that year two would be so much smoother than year one. That has not happened yet. In fact, I feel as though this year has been far more hectic. I stay at school later. I am completing far more work. I have to make more decisions. My desks at school (yes, I said desks...) are always stacked with papers that need to go somewhere. I just do not understand where it all comes from.
I do not mean for that to sound all doom and gloom. Despite these differences, the feelings are still quite different and I would not want to go back to my first year at all. Even with all of the extra responsibilities and tasks that lay before me, my approach feels far more developed. Despite seeming calm, both in writing and demeanor, I recall feeling absolutely overwhelmed but everything. It seems more likely that I appeared calmer simply because I could not manage to feel any other way.
If I had to describe how I feel this year, I would say that I am reminded of standing in water that is surrounding your face while you stand on your tippy toes. I know that I am not drowning and if all things stay this way, I can maintain for quite some time. However, we all know that life never stays the same. I know that very soon I will have to find a better way to manage everything that I am responsible for, drop some of those responsibilities intentionally, or drown in my stubborn refusal to say "no".
One thing I know for sure is that I am still only continuing to get better. I know that I am still working with an open mind and an open heart and with those two things I am confident that I can succeed. I know that it is okay to make a mistake, but it is not okay to continue making that mistake. I write these things more for myself than anyone else. Staying positive is the only way I keep my head above water. Succumbing to negativity will only guarantee that I fail.
On a rather unrelated note, I am trying out Camp Gladiator too and I have learned/reinforced quite a few things about myself. The first is that I am not a social person in the morning. The second is that I do not like working out with others. The third is that I am incredibly competitive. I do think that I am going to go back to working out on my own afterschool though. I need a break from school and working out was an intentional way that I separated school and from home. I have to get back to that.
This year, I am currently in the fifth week of school, but the idea is more or less the same. Looking back, it seems that I felt so much more relaxed. I do not really know how I accomplished that feeling, but I did. Just reading about where I was a year ago makes me wonder how I kept things so simple. It was my first year of teaching, everything should have felt like a blur.
Here I was thinking that year two would be so much smoother than year one. That has not happened yet. In fact, I feel as though this year has been far more hectic. I stay at school later. I am completing far more work. I have to make more decisions. My desks at school (yes, I said desks...) are always stacked with papers that need to go somewhere. I just do not understand where it all comes from.
I do not mean for that to sound all doom and gloom. Despite these differences, the feelings are still quite different and I would not want to go back to my first year at all. Even with all of the extra responsibilities and tasks that lay before me, my approach feels far more developed. Despite seeming calm, both in writing and demeanor, I recall feeling absolutely overwhelmed but everything. It seems more likely that I appeared calmer simply because I could not manage to feel any other way.
If I had to describe how I feel this year, I would say that I am reminded of standing in water that is surrounding your face while you stand on your tippy toes. I know that I am not drowning and if all things stay this way, I can maintain for quite some time. However, we all know that life never stays the same. I know that very soon I will have to find a better way to manage everything that I am responsible for, drop some of those responsibilities intentionally, or drown in my stubborn refusal to say "no".
One thing I know for sure is that I am still only continuing to get better. I know that I am still working with an open mind and an open heart and with those two things I am confident that I can succeed. I know that it is okay to make a mistake, but it is not okay to continue making that mistake. I write these things more for myself than anyone else. Staying positive is the only way I keep my head above water. Succumbing to negativity will only guarantee that I fail.
On a rather unrelated note, I am trying out Camp Gladiator too and I have learned/reinforced quite a few things about myself. The first is that I am not a social person in the morning. The second is that I do not like working out with others. The third is that I am incredibly competitive. I do think that I am going to go back to working out on my own afterschool though. I need a break from school and working out was an intentional way that I separated school and from home. I have to get back to that.
No comments:
Post a Comment