One Month

It feels so crazy that I have already been in the classroom for a month.

Four weeks in and I am not yet feeling overwhelmed. I know that there are things that I am not the most efficient or effective at, but I also know that I am not completely failing my kids. I feel comfortable and confident that things will get better.

I have not felt the need to write because my grad school classes have me submitting reflections every week. Literally every week. I 1000% understand the need for reflection but this frequency makes it hard to breathe sometimes. There are some weekends that I just want to turn my brain off and not think about the week that just happened. I won't complain too much though cuz at least it's only reflections and not crazy long assignments.

I am starting to feel more at ease in Fort Worth. I can drive to more and more places without using my GPS. I know where the nearest mall is, the nearest three movies theaters, and the nearest HEB (20 miles away in a Fort Worth suburb called Burleson). I am also starting to get used to the crazy driving here. Everyone is going 10mph above the posted speed limit, which is still not as bad as in Houston but certainly better than Austin's stop and go traffic everywhere. Everything feels really far away still and people have no problem driving 30+ miles for simple trips. I hate driving so this is still something I need to get used to.

Recently, I was mentioned in a tweet from the head of elementary schools of FWISD that was retweeted by the FWISD superintendent. I was weirdly proud of myself because it was rather unexpected. One of the pre-k teachers at my school approached me and asked if it would be okay for her to bring up her students and let them see the science lab for a little bit. I thought it was a great idea and she brought them not too long after that. My fifth grade students became model scientist, telling the younger students how to hold materials, how to stay safe, and what it is like being in fifth grade. The other teacher and I were incredibly impressed at how well everything went and took some pictures. A few days later and the pictures were on Twitter. I really hope that this is a sign that the rest of the school year is going to be amazing.

Working out has gotten quite a bit more difficult to do. Despite my gym being so much closer than it was in Austin (and there being gym equipment in the office at my apartments), I have not made it to the gym since before the first week of school. Luckily, staying on my feet all day, walking students all over the school, and staying on top of my eating habits have kept me feeling energized and not allowed my body to change too much. I really want to find some workouts I can do in my apartment and eliminate any excuses for not working out. If you have any ideas or recommendations, please send them my way!

Even though the honeymoon phase with my students is clearly over and deadlines are rolling around constantly, I am still riding the wave of positivity from the start of the year. I want to keep this up for as long as possible because I have heard all about Quitstober and the struggle that is November. I know that I won't give up or quit on my students, but I know that things will get hard(er). Just gotta keep moving forward and keep pushing myself and my students!

First Week

Y'all! I survived my first week! And it was amazing!!!

So much of the anxiety I felt in the week before I started the first week seems to have melted away. It feels amazing to be in front of students everyday. I love getting to know my students a little more everyday. The students they were are day one are certainly not the students they are today. The journey we embark on this year is going to be so much fun. There will certainly be struggling and challenging moments, for me and for them, but we will overcome and be better for it in the end.

I have also seen so many of my friends and peers start their teaching recently too. The impact that we will have on students collectively is so refreshing and encouraging. I know that we are all going to do our best for our students. We are all going to have great stories to laugh at, stories that bring tears of sadness and frustration, and stories that cause me to well up with pride for them and their students.

This excitement does not mean that there have not been challenges. Students all come with unique experiences that we have to fit into their academic success, not matter how difficult that is. I did not even "finish" setting up my classroom until last Friday, but I am constantly finding ways to make things better. Teaching is certainly a never ending cycle of try something, review it, improve it, and try again. Plus I forget or do not think about things all the time, so that makes the process move a little slower too.

Lesson planning has certainly been the most pressing hurdle so far. I am incredibly grateful that my plans are due on Friday because who knows how much time I would spend on them over the weekend. I feel compelled to work efficiently with this deadline and it keeps me ahead of "the day before" game. Observation season is the part of the year that I am most excited for. I can't wait for people to come into my classroom, point out the amazing things going on, help me figure out the things that could be better, and enjoy the space I have created in my classes.

The self-care portion of this work is certainly coming with mixed results. I really enjoyed this past weekend watching movies and relaxing. I cleaned my place up a bit. Cooked some great food for lunch and breakfast during the week. I got quite a bit of grading done as well. I do really need to get back into working out in some capacity. Even if it's just for thirty minutes a day instead of an hour. I just need the activity. I just get tired from the day and it's challenging to get back into it when I've been out of the habit for so long. It will happen though. I just have to make it happen.

I am feeling legitimately excited for this year. I love my school. I love my kids. I love my team. I don't mean to rub it in, but I am feeling great! Let's keep up these good vibes.

Realities

My first day of school is tomorrow and there is so much that is starting to sink in for me.

This is pretty exciting. In less than twelve hours I will be standing in the doorway to my classroom greeting students for the first of 180+ times this year. The journey that is getting to know 50+ fifth graders will begin promptly at 7:40am. I am wildly excited and nervous mixed into one.

It was incredible seeing my classroom come together day after day last week. It certainly added a bit of perspective to every classroom I ever entered form Kindergarten to 12th grade. Every desk had to be in just the right place. Posters had to be hung at the perfect height. Decorations had to be the right blend of fun, education, me, and my students (how I did that without knowing them is still a mystery). Getting a classroom ready is tiring, but absolutely essential as in some ways it is the second home for my students and I.

My first week of lesson plans came together quite smoothly. Procedures. Procedures. Procedures. I hope that I have thought of everything to make my class run efficiently. I have entrances, exits, homework pick up and turn in, warm-ups, exit tickets, supplies, jobs, word walls, restroom, and nurse procedures all worked out and ready to be taught. If there is anything that all my mentors have taught, it is that students will quickly make up rules and procedures should I neglect to do so. So I have planned for as much as I could think of. I know I didn't catch everything, but I am confident things will still go well.

This is an amazing feeling. I am thrilled to get started tomorrow and I can't wait to share how my first few days go. Even with all of this excitement, there was also something that hit me pretty heavily last week as I finalized my room set up. I won't get to call my grandma and tell her how my first day went. That reality hit me and I had to sit down for a bit. It has been two years and there are still so many times where I want to call or text her to check in. It hit me pretty hard but I know that she would be proud of me. So I keep striving to do my best. I do my best for her, and my mom, and my siblings, and my nephew, and my aunt and uncle, and my cousins, and all the people who ever believed in me and told me I would be great. I will continue to learn and grow and make you all proud.

In the meantime, it's getting late and I have a big day ahead of me tomorrow. I'll be sure to share how these first few days go! 

The Big Switch

I am no longer living in the dorms at SMU. I am so grateful to be able to afford a place of my own after all this time.

It was truly beneficial to be living at SMU for the duration of my summer training. My housing was paid for. My food was paid for. The internet was free. I did not have to worry about electricity or water bills. Laundry was free. Transportation was provided. That is not to say these arrangements were perfect. I slept on a twin mattress again. The water would be lukewarm when large (cheer) camps were also staying on campus. The food was essentially the same all summer. There were random "scheduled" power outages occurring regularly throughout the summer.

But it was free. And the training was pretty great as well. I spent seven weeks absorbing as much knowledge as possible. I feel confident that I leave Institute as a better leader, teacher, and person. I may not be able to tell you each of the (seven) TFA core values from memory, but I can tell you that each of them has created a lasting impact on the way I approach the world from this world forward.

During Institute, it was made clear that during some sessions, I was going to be uncomfortable and that was okay. When you are grappling with your identity, the multiple parts of your identity, and reconfiguring how it fits in a classroom and, by extension, in the world, you are going to be uncomfortable. Analyzing my privilege and how it will play a large part in how I relate to the people around me moving forward is not easy. Talking to others about their identity, listening to others make mistakes, choosing to be vulnerable and brave are not simple tasks. In spite of this difficulty, I was still pushed to tackle this work in the solitude of my mind and with the people in sessions around me.

From that experience, I jumped straight into Fort Worth's New Teacher Academy. The reality of the work I will be doing snapped me back into reality. The reality of others ideas of the world we live in reminded me that my work with my identity if a privilege. In the midst of a problematic session listening to problematic statements and ideas, I had to remind myself of my privilege and ground myself in humility.

I am a first year teacher. I am 22 years old. I do not have all the answers. I have not even been asked all the questions. This does not mean that I do not have beliefs based in facts that I stand beside proudly and vehemently. It just means that I must always take the time to stop and listen to what the people around me have to say.

There was a phrase that stood out to me this summer: "listen to understand, not to respond." Going into teaching, I have set a goal for myself to remind every student that I come into contact with that their thoughts are valuable. Their ideas and dreams have value and that I here to provide them with some of the tools they will need to navigate the world in their own unique way. This is not always going to be easy, but I believe it is important and I will work on it continuously.

Today I entered my classroom for the first time. It was overwhelming. If I didn't understand the work my teachers put into preparing the classroom every year before, I certainly do now. I have so much to do and the hardest part is not knowing where to start. I am hoping that hanging up the first poster and moving the first desk is the hardest part, so I'll be sure to get started on that soon. Again, if you have any advice for a fifth grade science teacher, let me know!

Transitioning

It has been just under two weeks since I wrote last.

To be honest, I have started a number of posts since then. The time to finish a post has been pretty limited recently for a number of reasons. The intensity of Institute increased the closer to the end I got and the number of responsibilities outside of Institute grew as well. I found myself spending my off time finding an apartment, and insurance, and electricity, and internet, and furniture, and supplies for my first year. The time for reflection has been minimal at best.

I need to make writing a priority. I need to decompress from the endless to-do list that will only continue to flood my mind as the school year truly begins. I did buy an agenda today so I'm hopeful that this tool will only make the year easier to navigate and my time easier to manage. I am still lacking a note-taking journal for training, planning, meetings, and all the other things I will need to write down, but I have one in mind.

In the past two weeks I have experienced quite a few things. Some of them have been great and others, not so much. My coach got me to try coffee one day before a lesson. It was intense. Corps members were asking how I had become so energetic. I enjoyed the experience, but when I found myself bouncing in place at 7pm that night, I decided coffee was just not for me. I will stick to my lightly caffeinated teas or drink my coffees decaf from now on.

Adult life is quickly catching up with me and I find myself less than enthused as some of its components. Literally everything I purchase ever needs insurance. Insurance is expensive. Buying things is not fun. Bills are cool. Except not really. Shopping for furniture for an entire apartment is completely overwhelming. Also, everything cost money. Money does not come easy. And do not even get me started on taxes...

Institute is coming to an end very quickly. There is less than 24 hours left and my feelings could not be anymore mixed. On the one hand, this was all very stressful and intense. On the other hand, I am about to dive head first into a full school year where I responsible for the learning of children. I would be lying if I said that I am not still nervous about this journey I am embarking on. Also, add an extra layer of being a Master's degree student to the mix and suddenly I feel like a deer in headlights. I specifically remember telling myself that I would not be getting a Master's Degree for a few years. Well life laughed boldly at my statement and here I am.

The due dates are starting to build up. The intensity is real but I am committed to staying proactive. I want to put off going into survival mode for as long as possible. I want to stay as far ahead for as long as I possibly can. If you have any suggestions, whether you have worked as a teacher or not, please let me know! I want all the help I can get.

I will be returning to Austin this weekend for a brief visit and to pick up the remainder of my belongings that did not make it to Dallas the first time. I would also love any suggestions for furniture procurement. Is it best to finance or buy outright? Any special location you recommend? Any brand? Texture? Color? Item? I have a running list but I know it is incomplete. If there is anything you see that is missing, please let me know so I'm not struggling to survive in my apartment because I forgot something crazy obvious like toilet paper or a washer.

Couch (sleeper, but not futon). TV stand (bedroom and living room). Bed frame. Mattress. Desk. Bookcase. Dresser. Dining table. Dining chairs. Patio table. Patio chairs. Loveseat/chair. Computer chair. Washer. Dyer.

Toilet paper. Paper towels. Plates. Bowls. Cups. Silverware. Cookware. Cooking utensils. Laundry detergent. Dish detergent. Printer. Toaster. Lamp. Fan.

I am also unsure of the things I will need for my classroom. I am a fifth grade science teacher. Any ideas that you have are welcome and appreciated. I will be reviewing my TEKS soon to see what topics I'll be teaching. There are also non-content related items that I am sure are important for any classroom. So please let me know what pops into your mind when you hear the phrase "classroom essentials". I would really love the help!!!

I am going to find a day to just sit down and not do anything. It will feel amazing. I will be proud of myself!

I Miss You

Today, we talked about what we miss.

It is the middle of week five. There are two a half weeks left of summer training. So much is happening. Summer school is officially halfway over. Emotions are running high. Putting words to those feelings are important. That is what we did today. My coach asked us a series of questions and I am taking the time to add more to my response. I want to think more about the things that I miss.


What do you miss? What is causing you pain?

I miss working out. I have spent five days a week in the gym since January. I did skip Spring Break and there were a few other days I missed, but overall it was five days a week. I miss the routine. I miss the pride I felt in this work I put into my body. I miss the confidence that I felt from a changing body. I miss the excitement of stepping onto a scale and feeling joy at the numbers I saw (and disappointment sometimes too). I started the year at around 175lbs. I came to Dallas at 160lbs. When I went home for the Fourth of July, I stepped on the scale a few times and hit around 155lbs. I am terrified to return home at the end of July and step on the scale again.

Who do you miss?

I miss my nephew. Seeing him everyday always brought me incredible amounts of joy. I was able to see him learn and grow. I got to see him laugh and smile everyday. I got to see him bump his head when he bounced too hard or ran too fast. I got to see him get back up and keep running. Going back home for the 4th of July really made me realize how much I am going to miss seeing him everyday. When I left Austin to come to Institute in Dallas, Kyree was able to jump in one spot. Not even one month later, I walk inside and he is running towards me and jumps the last few steps. It was incredible to see how much he had grown and learned, but it also reminded me of all the small moment I would miss living away from home. Living in Fort Worth will certainly have its pros and cons, but this is without a doubt one of the most painful cons.

What is an institution you miss?

I miss my fraternity. I never realized how safe I felt in that space until I was no longer an active part of it. I miss seeing my brother. I miss the conversations we had and the times we spent together. My time in the fraternity was amazing and I would never change it. I am so happy that two of my brothers work in DFW. With them here with me, I know that safe space will never be too far.

I really enjoyed taking the time to put words to the things that I may not have realized I was feeling the entire time. I have certainly found myself caught up in the constant work that is being a teacher. Getting lesson plans ready, making copies, creating PowerPoints, entering grades, attending meetings, and completing the dozens of other responsibilities of a teacher can get overwhelming if you do not take the time to stop and breathe. I am glad my coach got me to sit and reflect. I will get a lot of things done this weekend. I will also stop to take care of myself and allow myself to breathe for a while.

Signing A Lease

Four day weekends are great.

This weekend was refreshing. Taking the time to put distance between myself and work was certainly welcome after a hectic first week. I am proud to have made it through the first days of summer school. There were certainly some challenges, some I was prepared for and others not so much. This week is a short one. Two teaching days and a training day on Friday. A three day week. I am excited.

Then the real work begins. For three weeks, the routine and expectations really kick in. The lesson planning cycle begins hardcore. The times I meet with my coach become more predictable. The training sessions in the afternoon after a morning in the classroom will start to feel routine. The wildest part of training is almost complete. The real challenge is waiting to begin.

The complete lesson plans given to us at the start are starting to become less and less complete. I am starting to be responsible for more and more parts of the lesson. By the end, I am supposed to responsible for an entire lesson, start to finish. No pressure though. I would be lying if I said I did not freak out every now and then thinking about all the lessons I will have to plan this upcoming school year. It is a lot. I will have to take it one week at a time, only because one day is not enough prep time.

I did make it back to Austin this weekend. Let me first apologize to all the people I did not get to see. This was a bit of an impromptu trip that was also meant to surprise my mom. The joke was on me, she was not surprised. It was great to see everyone again. I think it is a major reason why I have not felt the need to write recently. I was surrounded by familiar people this weekend far away from most thoughts of work. No BBQ this weekend so that was a little sad but there is always next time!

Shopping for an apartment was terrifying. There are so many things to be mindful of. What are the closets like? What about the bathroom? The bathtub? How much carpet is in the place? How many rooms? How big are the rooms? Washer? Dryer? Kitchen appliances? Patio? Utilities? Dining room space? Living room space? Stairs? Community pool? Community gym? Distance from work? Distance from fun? Double-paned windows??? The list goes on and on and there was no way I could get all of these answered on every tour. I did ultimately make a selection but I can assure you, it was not easy. Signing up to live somewhere for the next year of your life is a major commitment, especially if you decide you cannot stand the place one month in. The application is in though. My deposit is paid. There is no going back at this point. More details about the apartment will come later, I promise.

It's a short week. It feels completely full though. There is still so much to do even with only two days left. The countdown to the end of Institute has begun. The feelings are as mixed as they are intense. I plan on preparing myself to buckle down and focus on getting stuff done. Not because I have not already been doing that, but because there is so little time yet so much still left to learn and practice. Do not let me get lost in the rush of it all! I enjoy hearing from you. What you did over the weekend. What random thing you thought of today while eating. It is all amazing to me and I will continue to share as much as I can. It is going to be a great month, I can feel it.